Implications
by livingmyths
Summary: A story about Lily and James.  But mostly Lily this time.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Ev- Lily. Could I maybe talk to you for a second?

It was exactly two weeks since we had returned to Hogwarts: September 15th. I had been on my way out of the Great Hall, headed for the grounds where my friends and I were going to relax. Well, they were going to relax. I really needed to get ahead on that transfiguration essay. A foot of parchment? We only just got back! I swear, McGonagall- wait, not my point.

Anyway, we were leaving the Great Hall when James walked up to me. Yes, James Potter. The newly appointed Quidditch captain. The infamous trouble-maker with the round glasses, hazel eyes, and jet-black hair that never lies flat. The boy who had asked me out every day without fail for the last four years and no doubt dreamed of it for the two before that. (Except that one time during fourth year when he and his friends got themselves knocked out by the Whomping Willow and were in the hospital wing for three days. They really are thick sometimes. Or all the time.) Despite this habit, seeing him come up to me was kind of startling. He hadn't talked to me a single time since I arrived at Platform 9 ¾ and walked past him on the way to the Heads' compartment. And then it had only been a small wave and a simple "Hey Evans." I figured this meant he had transferred his insane affections to a new girl; maybe a Hufflepuff I didn't know or some girl he met over the summer.

But now I was taken aback by his tone. He sounded almost… nervous. Not used to his new demeanor, I wasn't sure what to say.

"Er… sure?" I responded, walking with him a few paces away from my friends.

We stood there in awkward silence for a few moments. He scratched the back of his neck absently, switching his gaze from me to the floor by our feet while his hand slowly drifted upwards to ruffle his hair.

"So, er, next weekend is a, is a Hogsmeade weekend, and I was, er, wondering if you, er, you want to go with me?"

I snickered. "You know, it's been two whole weeks. I thought maybe I could get through one last year without this constant irritation! No, Potter, I will most definitely NOT go to Hogsmeade with you."

As I stalked across the Great Hall back to my friends, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I paused, but did not turn around.

"Lily…"

I jerked away from his grasp and continued my trek toward the Grand Staircase. Suddenly, relaxation on the grounds didn't seem like such a good idea. I needed to be in my dormitory, past the testosterone-blocking staircase, with the curtains of my four-poster drawn around me.


	2. Chapter 2

After lying in bed trying (and failing miserably) to sleep for a good, long while, I gave up the struggle. I was awake, and I was thinking. You know, I'd never really noticed how anti-social I was. I mean, I had friends, just no really good ones who would understand completely how I felt about James. That's the thing- no one fully understands me. Well, not since HE left the picture. But that was hard enough the first time; I'd rather not live it again. Anyway, my Gryffindor roommates don't understand my obsession with schoolwork, my Ravenclaw friends don't understand how hard I have to work (it comes more naturally to them), Slytherins disgust me, and, frankly, Hufflepuffs are dull.

Naturally, I couldn't talk about James with any of my friends because none of them understand why I keep denying him. They all think he's the most gorgeous boy at Hogwarts and can't figure out why anyone wouldn't want to date him. I mean, other than the fact that he's an obnoxious git with a head bigger than one of Hagrid's pumpkins, he's perfect. James is attractive, smart, popular, funny, nice (on occasion), the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, polite (when he tries), and has great, loyal friends (when they're not being complete prats).

Now we're back to friends. James has friends. Three really good ones, in fact. First there's Sirius. Only Merlin knows how long they've been friends. They do absolutely everything together. James without Sirius is like a peanut butter sandwich: good, but you know it's missing the jelly. Sirius without James is like riding a bike without a helmet when you know you're destined to crash. Then there's Remus. He's the one marauder I don't mind. He was Gryffindor prefect with me in 5th and 6th year. It's a shame he didn't make head boy. Working with him would have been nice. But I suppose that Dumbledore didn't choose him because he seems to have family issues so frequently. Anyway, Remus doesn't get into trouble as much as the other two: he's too concentrated on schoolwork. Well, there's also Peter. I forget about him sometimes; with his sandy brown hair and follow-the-leader attitude, he tends to just blend in with the crowd. Nevertheless, the marauders wouldn't be complete without him.

I guess I envy James. Not in respect to the people he has as friends, but I'm jealous that he has them. I'll probably go insane some day from lack of human contact. I need a boyfriend, but since James has exhibited his little Lily-Evans-you-will-say-yes-someday-no-matter-what-you-think attitude for the last four years it's like he's got some unspoken claim over me and other guys aren't allowed to come within five feet.

The one thing I can't figure out is why I get so emotional when he asks me out. I try not to think about it, but it happens. Why else would I run away and hide rather than continue with my original plan of finishing my transfiguration essay on the grounds? It's clear that I don't fancy him. He makes me so angry. I guess it's just that we're so different. I know they always say opposites attract, but I feel like James's and my personalities differ so much that we simply can't understand each other. HE clearly doesn't think so, but I still don't get how he thinks we could be a couple if we never stop arguing even though we're not actually dating.


End file.
